The early 90s was when I first got out among people (and realized that I knew absolutely nothing about the world outside of kitchens, barns and books. :) Including TV, to which I was initiated with a Star Wars scene of storm troopers appearing out of the mist, which promptly gave me nightmares. These days, Star Wars is on the list of things I’d re-watch anytime and the only nightmarish thing is the bad sequels. ;p
So I actually remember that video and its inescapable tune, which I’m probably going to be humming intermittently for the next few days as I try to stay focused on my big pre-Christmas file.
That period was also my first serious experience with being bullied...by an entire community that didn’t understand what had really happened. Had they understood, it would probably not have helped. The experience taught me that people will gang up on you first and ask questions later, as Justine Sacco found out. The only way out is to stand up tall and show them who you are by NOT responding to the bullying. At a time at which instinct drives one to run and hide, it’s hard to stand up and be yourself. But people will chase you harder if you run. Calmly facing them is the best chance at getting them to stop long enough to think about whether they are doing the right thing. Not to mention that when you make yourself appear calmer than you are, it helps you calm down and think clearly.
The shoe lady needs to stop running after him and tell him that if he lights her house on fire, he’ll be the one putting it out. :D (Having been raised to be responsible for others waaay beyond what’s reasonable, it’s no accident that I’m drawn to guys who are responsible while allowing me to be responsible for myself. Sometimes lessons learned late in life are the best.)
Putting people on the defensive in any form (also thinking about your post from yesterday here) never works. It may look like it does, since the instinctive response is to join the group in bullying some other unfortunate (I read an article recently where exactly this was happening with sexual abuse at a boys’ school). But it just repeats the cycle. To actually change things for the better, one has to step out of the cycle and do something different. Like standing up and being assertive... and then redirecting the situation to get people to communicate.
The early 90s was when I first got out among people (and realized that I knew absolutely nothing about the world outside of kitchens, barns and books. :) Including TV, to which I was initiated with a Star Wars scene of storm troopers appearing out of the mist, which promptly gave me nightmares. These days, Star Wars is on the list of things I’d re-watch anytime and the only nightmarish thing is the bad sequels. ;p
So I actually remember that video and its inescapable tune, which I’m probably going to be humming intermittently for the next few days as I try to stay focused on my big pre-Christmas file.
That period was also my first serious experience with being bullied...by an entire community that didn’t understand what had really happened. Had they understood, it would probably not have helped. The experience taught me that people will gang up on you first and ask questions later, as Justine Sacco found out. The only way out is to stand up tall and show them who you are by NOT responding to the bullying. At a time at which instinct drives one to run and hide, it’s hard to stand up and be yourself. But people will chase you harder if you run. Calmly facing them is the best chance at getting them to stop long enough to think about whether they are doing the right thing. Not to mention that when you make yourself appear calmer than you are, it helps you calm down and think clearly.
The shoe lady needs to stop running after him and tell him that if he lights her house on fire, he’ll be the one putting it out. :D (Having been raised to be responsible for others waaay beyond what’s reasonable, it’s no accident that I’m drawn to guys who are responsible while allowing me to be responsible for myself. Sometimes lessons learned late in life are the best.)
Putting people on the defensive in any form (also thinking about your post from yesterday here) never works. It may look like it does, since the instinctive response is to join the group in bullying some other unfortunate (I read an article recently where exactly this was happening with sexual abuse at a boys’ school). But it just repeats the cycle. To actually change things for the better, one has to step out of the cycle and do something different. Like standing up and being assertive... and then redirecting the situation to get people to communicate.