We owe the makers of the 2021 movie "Halloween Kills" a sincere apology
This will all make sense once you've read all the way to the end, I promise.
The most polarizing Halloween movie, not counting the one in which Michael Myers doesn’t appear at all and the plot is about druids plotting to kill children with cursed Halloween masks,1 might be Halloween Kills, the middle film in Blumhouse’s soft-reboot trilogy of the venerable slasher-movie franchise.
The evil Michael Myers apparently burned to death at the end of 2018’s Halloween (which is not a remake of the 1978 original but a direct sequel which just happens to have the same title and yes, I am as confused as you are) but of course he survived and continues to wreak havoc on the unfortunate citizens of Haddonfield, Illinois. Instead of leaving Jamie Lee Curtis to fight Myers alone, in Halloween Kills the whole town forms a Springfield-style angry mob to take down “The Shape” once and for all.
Led by Anthony Freaking Michael Hall and chanting the hashtag-ready slogan “evil dies tonight,” they think they’ve found Myers at the local hospital and chase him to one of the top floors, where he jumps out a window to his death. Only it turns out this wasn’t the mass-murderer at all, but another patient at the same mental forensic hospital who escaped in the bus crash which set Myers loose upon the world.
Well, pobody’s nerfect, right?
Halloween movie fans are divided on the merits of Halloween Kills. Some like the idea of an entire town vowing revenge on the monster in contrast to the usual horror cliche about the victim whom no one believes and is forced to fight alone.
Others, however, can’t believe the mob would be so unbelievably stupid that it would target someone who very clearly isn’t Michael Myers. Yes, Myers wears a mask so no one knew exactly what he looked like, but this other guy was noticeably shorter, fatter, weaker and just way more decrepit and pitiful than the monster who’d murdered dozens of people.
Horror movie characters are expected to be really, really dumb, but this was just a bridge too far for critics of Halloween Kills. Surely anyone with the sense God gave a common horsefly wouldn’t so badly take leave of his senses, no matter how much he was caught up in a frenzy of mob justice. Seeing characters this unintelligent just stretched your suspension of disbelief to a breaking point.
Anyway, here’s a photo from today’s attempted pogrom in Dagestan, Russia, showing a guy hunting for Jews who’ve allegedly just arrived by plane from Tel Aviv, looking for them inside a jet engine.
Halloween III: Season of the Witch was just too beautiful for this fallen world.
You cannot fix Stupid, no matter how hard you try.