Thank you, Lord, for making me unlucky

If you don't win the Mega Millions jackpot, you might have dodged a bullet.

Actually, my track record in winning stuff isn’t that bad. I got my first Blu-Ray player from a drawing at a supermarket, and I’ve won enough beer-logo T-shirts, hats and jackets to fill Imelda Marcos’ closet. I once won a few hundred bucks from a slot machine and wisely walked away before I could lose it all again.

But I learned long ago that your chances of winning a lottery jackpot are worse than being struck by lightning, though slightly better than the Chicago Bears patiently and carefully developing a starting quarterback. In any event, with the Mega Millions jackpot now surpassing a billion dollars, maybe you’re luckier not winning:

A history of past lottery winners shows a wide range of what players do with their winnings. Many have paid off debts, bought homes and invested their money, while others have put the cash toward building a water park, gambling in Atlantic City or starting a women’s professional wrestling organizations. Some adjusted to life as a multimillionaire. Others say the joy and thrill that came from the unexpected sudden wealth soon turned to bad choices and sadness — and ruined their lives.