Still a better investment than Truth Social

Yeah, it cost me my life’s savings and all the money I’d been saving for my kids to go to university, but it’s worth every penny. We’ll never see Tom Brady playing in the NFL again, and with the passage of time I’m sure the ball from his last touchdown pass ever will just become more and more valuable.

In fact, I think I’m going to head over to Yahoo! Sports to see if my record-breaking auction purchase is getting any more media attention, but first let me take a big sip of wat-