Sometimes you get the lawyers you deserve

Republicans want Trump to be the most powerful man on earth, but don't want him as a client.

I had a conversation with a high-profile Republican lawyer the other day, who was going on and on about the criminal and civil trials of the man he so desperately wants re-elected as President, Donald Trump, and how he’s blatantly being targeted by ambitious, hyper-partisan Democratic officials.

“As a veteran lawyer with decades of experience arguing criminal and civil cases at the highest levels, up to and including the Supreme Court, and helping to build a law firm which has become one of the largest and most successful in the country, I am absolutely outraged at the persecution of Donald Trump by the deep state Democratic establishment! This is an outrage and a scandal and the future of our country depends on Donald Trump beating these flimsy charges and making American great again!” he ranted.

“I’m glad you feel that way,” I replied, “because it seems like Trump could use an experienced lawyer like you representing him in-”

“New phone who dis?”

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It says a lot about Republicans’ real feelings about Donald Trump that he can’t seem to get any top-tier lawyers to represent him in what can legitimately be called some of the most important court proceedings in American history.

The stereotype of lawyers is that they’ll sell out their own mothers to take on a case which will raise their profile and make them famous. As a lawyer myself, who’s heard all of these tired old jokes (not to mention many jokes about The Omen, because of the name I was given two years before that movie came out) I can confirm that this stereotype is 100% true.