While reading the indictment of one Donald J. Trump, I thought it was one of the funniest things I’ve ever read in my life.
Then I remembered that this is an extremely serious case in which highly sensitive information could very easily - and very well may have - fallen into the hands of hostile state actors or even extremist and terrorist groups.
So, after thinking about the matter and its implications, I have decided…it’s still one of the funniest things ever.
The indictment details multiple instances where documents were transported — or cleaned up — by staffers who lacked proper security clearances to be in contact with such information.
At first, photos showed the documents stacked high on a ballroom stage at Mar-a-Lago. They were later moved to a “business center” at the Florida resort. It was then that an unnamed Trump staffer messaged another employee asking if the boxes could be moved elsewhere so that the business center could be transformed into a workspace for fellow Trump aides.
“Woah!!” the second staffer responded. “OK so potus specifically asked [Trump’s valet] Walt [Nauta] for those boxes to be in the business center because they are his ‘papers.’”
Later, they discussed moving the boxes to “a little room in the shower” for storage. The indictment then includes a photo of the boxes stacked high in a bathroom.
By December 2021, some of the boxes that had been relocated to a storage room fell, with their contents spilling all over the floor. Nauta, who was also charged in the indictment, messaged a second staffer: “I opened the door and found this …” He attached photos of the spill.
“Oh no oh no,” the person responded, adding, “I’m sorry, potus had my phone.”
I’m sorry, but this is just one Mrs. Featherbottom away from being an Arrested Development episode.
And I don’t know for sure, but I think there’s a connection between this:
…and this:
“Trump Attorney 1,” who is undoubtedly Evan Corcoran, said he would return on June 2 to go over the boxes of documents, identify the papers sought by the grand jury, and ensure compliance with the subpoena.
Between that meeting and Corcoran’s return, Trump allegedly directed Nauta to smuggle approximately 64 boxes of classified documents from the Mar-a-Lago storage room to Trump’s personal residence. (Some were stored in a shower.) The FBI interviewed Nauta during this period, asking him if he was aware of any boxes transferred to Trump’s private residence. Nauta—who had been busy moving boxes into Trump’s private residence—said no.
Shortly before Corcoran returned on June 2, Trump allegedly told Nauta to return 30 boxes to the storage room. It appears that the former president had removed all documents of interest and then returned enough boxes to trick Corcoran into thinking that he had access to the entire set of files. Corcoran still found 38 documents with classified markings; Trump may have overlooked these documents, or intentionally left them for Corcoran to find so he would not grow suspicious. Either way, Trump allegedly implied to Corcoran that he should “pluck” them out before turning over the files to the FBI. (He did not.)
Then, on Trump’s behalf, Corcoran and another attorney certified that they had searched all of the “boxes that were moved from the White House to Florida” and provided all classified documents to federal investigators, as required by law. Following this handoff, the indictment states, Nauta surreptitiously loaded several boxes onto the plane that Trump and his family would fly “north for the summer.” Trump and Nauta must have thought they had gotten away with their alleged scheme scot-free.
They hadn’t. Their alleged box switcheroo was captured on surveillance footage obtained by prosecutors and shown to the grand jury. It formed one basis of the warrant that authorized a search of Mar-a-Lago in August, when FBI agents found many more documents that Trump had allegedly concealed from his lawyers and law enforcement.
And finally this:
Two of Donald Trump’s top lawyers abruptly resigned from his defense team on Friday, just hours after news broke that he and a close aide were indicted on charges related to their handling of classified documents.
At this stage, I’m nor sure Trump could even get Barry Zuckercorn to represent him, though I bet Bob Loblaw would step up.
So, in an alternate universe in which I was offered the opportunity to represent former President Donald J. Trump in court, would I accept the job?
Absolutely not, but not because of my personal distaste for the man and his politics. I’ve represented many clients whom I’ve personally disliked1 and/or whose beliefs and opinions I’ve found wrongheaded or even offensive.
But, in most of these cases, they’ve listened to me and followed my advice. Which in criminal defense matters often amounts to the following:
Don’t give a statement to the police. Don’t talk about the case to the media. And, for God’s sake, don’t discuss the matter on social media.2
I’ve never withdrawn from a case because I didn’t like the client or his/her beliefs. I have withdrawn from cases where the client refused to do what I asked them to, or went out of their way to do what I strictly instructed them not to do.
Also, I regularly get calls from people who already have a lawyer but want a new one. When it’s because their current lawyer is “no good” or “doesn’t do nothing for me,” that’s a red flag. When the person has gone through several lawyers, it’s an entire parade of red flags.
There are a lot of Republican lawyers out there, many of them pretty respected and experienced. You’d think they’d be chomping at the bit to take on the legal defense of a former President, arguably the most (in)famous human being on the planet, and the de facto leader of their political party. Heck, even lawyers who don’t support him might think it’s just too important and potentially lucrative a case to pass up.
Instead, Trump’s legal team includes a former OANN host.
Is it entirely Trump’s fault that he can’t seem to get good legal help? Probably not. He is such a polarizing figure that even many people who feel strongly that everyone is entitled to a legal defense may not forgive you for taking his case. And then there are those who don’t believe everyone is entitled to a legal defense, including a disturbing number of law students.
So, I reckon it’s just 97% Trump’s own fault that he can’t seem to get good legal help. Ninety-eight percent, tops.
When you already have a reputation as a loose cannon who refuses to listen to what he doesn’t want to hear, and for stiffing people who work for you, and for siccing your death cult followers upon former employees whom he believes turned out to be incompetent and/or disloyal, and for publicly contradicting and humiliating your media apologists and sycophants…yeah, eventually your reputation as a toxic client catches up with you.
When the case itself is about allegedly deceiving your previous lawyer, it’s kind of amazing anyone would represent you.
In fact there’s a non-zero chance this ends up with Donald Trump acting as his own lawyer and I have never wanted anything more in my life and I beg you, My Lord, to make this happen. After all we’ve been through, we’re owed something like this.
If you’re a current or former client, not you.
That last one applies to family law matters even more than criminal ones. I’ve worked on several cases in which the parties have been getting along reasonably well and might be close to an amicable settlement, only for it to collapse because one of them just couldn’t resist telling Facebook friends what a deadbeat/cheating/abusive POS their ex was.