If only the culture wars would take a vacation

More controversies in which I hate pretty much everyone involved.

I asked everyone to keep quiet and not make any waves while I was gone last week, and most of you complied. No new pandemics started, the Russians haven't yet resorted to nukes, and any planned alien invasions of earth remain on hold.

Good job, everyone. But while real news sometimes gives us a break, stupid culture-war BS we won't remember by next month works constantly. The outrage machine won't feed itself, you know.