A Twitter Guide to the Canadian Federal Election

Remember: you and your political party are the only thing staving off the complete dissolution of Canada and it's time to fight dirty like the other side does.

We Canadians head to the polls next month, assuming we haven’t been annexed by then, and as a longtime observer of Canadian democracy in action and someone who spends way more time online than some people say is healthy, I’ve picked up some important points I ask you to consider and keep in mind during an acrimonious election campaign:

This will be the last free and fair election in Canadian history if your party loses. Oh, sure, the last time they were in power they allowed themselves to be voted out of office, but that was just part of the long game they’re playing to distract you from their real goal, which is to turn Canada into a northern version of literal Nazi Germany.

Your opponents are just plain evil for evil’s sake. Some squishy airy-fairy optimist types actually believe - get this! - that everyone has experienced life completely different …